Once apon a time there was a bear. The bear was fat. It smoked 40 a day. The bear died of lung cancer at the age of 15

The end

There was also a tank of fish. The tank was black with algae. It was unknown whether the fish actually existed at all. But it was a fish tank so we assume it contains fish. One day The fish tank went for a walk. It wasn’t a very long walk. It got as far as the edge of the table and then went smash… then the fish which may or may not have been in the tank died.

The mouse found some cheese and ate it. Then the cat killed the mouse. YUM!
Then the cat was killed by a freak hurricane caused by the flutter of a butterfly’s wing or my neighbours washing you choose. Anyhow the washing was taken away for manslaughter, and the bloke who owned the washing was done for accessory to murder.

Aardvarks are very smelly, or is that my sister? Anyway my sister washes occasionally but the aardvark doesn’t. One day the aardvark was hungry, it ate the carpet but that was chewy and so didn’t like it. Next it tried my homework but it realised that it was doing a good thing when I patted it on the snout. Finally it ate my sister, but she didn’t like being eaten so she hit it on the head with a mallet and it died. Now no one talks to my sister ever. Her name is Mrs Havisham. And boobs your uncle.

Badgers are small revolting creatures that live in holes and like to get run over at weekends. There was one particularly large badger that got run over about twice a day. Unfortunately for the cars he is 25 foot tall. His home is littered with various cars his most prized being a lambugini (at least if he was human). The badger was depressed. This was because all his friend had joined in the get run over craze and had died prematurely. To get away from his depressed existence he decided to commit suicide. He did this by driving the lambugini into the nearest police station where an armed police force were so very very afraid they throw dounuts at him. It is a well known facts that if a badger is hit by a doughnut then they implode.