This is a story that is still being created on the forum... I will update it every so often, as the story progresses!
"We want you all to fear us, we want you to look at us and say 'Aaaaaaaaaaah... No... not the evil leprechauns!' We want you to cower beneath our might!!!" said the leprechaun.
"Do you want pancakes with that?" asked Bob
"Well, now you come to mention it NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... I do not want pancakes... Now go and get me a box of chocolates... NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
"No, I won't" Bob replied "I would rather put this pair of very fetching granny's knickers on my head for the rest of the day. I will make you wear pancakes instead of clothes...you will obey me...Bob is your master!" he said. The leprechauns were so angry that they exploded. This triggered a chain reaction of all leprechauns in England exploding.
"Well that's the end of that," said Bob, but little did he know that his problems had only just begun as before they exploded the leprechauns had all laid eggs, which all hatched at the same time and grew into enormous washing machines which grew to enormous proportions, so big that entire cities were covered by just one. A global plea for help was dispatched into space so that some (hopefully) friendly Beth-aliens from the planet GCSPGDMESOADS would come and help. Little did the earth know that in fact the Beth-aliens were planning to take over the world, and had had their pets living on earth for years, reporting back on the earth's weaknesses. These pets, which we know as snails, told the Beth-aliens that now would be the perfect time to take over but they would first have to destroy the washing machine monsters, this was not a problem it would just take a long time and their attack on earth would not be a total surprise. The Beth-aliens decided that the best way to make the take-over of earth secret was to pretend to be friends with the humans and destroy the washing machines... Unfortunately no one noticed that, while panic swept the world, the alien's secret weapon had just woken up...THE VAMPIRE-BETH! As she woke up she remembered the aliens, and had a tingling sensation as she realised what she had to do. But first, it was breakfast time. She poured her cornflakes into a bowl...all was fine till she added the milk...then all of a sudden the corn flakes began to grow...they all joined together and became a huge monster which gobbled up the vampire beth...could this be the end of vampire beth? While this was happening the washing machine monsters were multiplying and growing...
Suddenly a strange, deep voice shouted "STOP THIS STUPIDNESS!" The world went silent. The strange voice then said, "Go back to your own planets. I am taking the washing machine monster and cornflake monsters with me! I'm God you know!" Then he rescued the Vampire-Beth and put her in charge of the world. The vampire beth didn't quite know what to say...She said thanks, but was it enough? Then the voice said...
"I have put you in charge of the world but only on one condition, you must found a website where everyone can hear this story. Or get someone else to. I'm going now. It's time for me to sleep. Even God gets tired you know" So the Vampire Beth put on her pink and yellow spotty socks and wondered round for a bit...kinda lost in what she could do.
Then she found a bed, it looked so lovely with its soft silk sheets and lovely cuddly toys, she thought for just a moment and realised just how tired she was... Well she had had a long day hadn't she and everyone needs their sleep and hey...everyone else was sleeping so why shouldn't she? As she went to get into the bed a note caught her eye...she picked it up and read it...
"Do not sleep in this bed, if you do you shall wake up and it will all be a dream!"
"Yeah right!" vampire beth thought "like that could happen!" so she climbed into the bed and lay down... Suddenly there was a loud bang, a scream and then silence. The vampire Beth was very afraid because it reminded her of a play that she had been to see. This play was called 'Woman in Black' and the Vampire-Beth was unsure about what to do next... She quickly shut her eyes- maybe if she couldn't see, nothing would happen? But it was so quiet... she had to find out what had happened and where she was... she climbed out of the lovely soft (etc) bed and opened her eyes very slowly and was shocked at what she saw... She was in a very girly, bright pink room with 'my little ponies', 'Barbie dolls' and loads of bright pink clothes all over the place as she looked round the room she saw posters of Westlife, Blue and Boyzone on the wall....
She ran to the door and as she opened it she noticed the door sign read 'Beth's Room' She ran back into the room, threw herself onto the bed and screamed.
Suddenly there were footsteps outside her door and in walked the Vampire Beth's sister, the Vampire Sarah! She walked in to the room and joined in with the screaming. Suddenly the voice that the Vampire Beth had previously heard spoke and said, "What is wrong with you people? Can't God get a decent sleep without you lot scweaming you stupid heads off... do not displease me or there will be trouble!"
The Vampire Beth felt slightly scared and replied in her deepest voice...
"NO I WILL NOT STOP SCREAMING...TRY AND MAKE ME"
"ALRIGHT THEN" replied the deep voice "I WILL" and with that the room began to shake and then all the pink was gone! "Thank goodness for that!" said Vampire-Beth, flopping back onto her black silk sheets, and staring at her newly replaced Good Charlotte posters. "I'd have gone insane with that lot!" Suddenly she heard a loud crunching noise, and looked out the window and she saw something she had thought she would never see again. Or rather someone. They were tall, skinny and all in black. It was a washing machine monster that had strangely been turned into a man by... well who knows! The man looked strangely familiar which kinda scared the Vampire-Beth...though she didn't know why... While she was wondering what her next move should be, the washing machine man suddenly grew big black wings and began to float upwards...
Suddenly he grabbed the vampire beth and flew away with her. She screamed and then went silent as she saw her friend the Vampire-Diane coming to save her. The Vampire-Beth was very happy. The Vampire-Diane came over and asked her a very obvious question.
"Why the **** are you screaming...it's Billy you dork!" The V-B looked at the man again and saw that it was actually Billy, and smiled sweetly at him.
"Hello Mr. Martin...I hope I'm not too heavy...?" He told her that she wasn't and that she was very pretty and that he loved her and that they would get married, and the V-B smiled a lot and then remembered the washing-machine monsters who were planning her demise. Suddenly they all appeared together, but Billy started singing, which hypnotised them, and the V-B and the V-D killed them all...
Meanwhile the washing-machine-monster's babies realised what had happened to their mums and dads and began making their way towards the V-B but fortunately for the V-B, the V-D knew that baby washing-machine-monsters do not know their weaknesses, so do not know that they will die if they eat chicken nuggets. The V-D went into a McDonald's, which happened to be next to her, and bought some chicken nuggets. The washing machine monsters ate them and died. Washing machine monsters were never seen again, however the V-B was strangely suspicious about the 3 left over chicken nuggets... something about them didn't quite seem right... and was it normal for them to be glowing like that? Then suddenly the chicken nuggets blinked. Then one said,
"Hello, my name is Bob, and I think that we should go shopping to buy some shoes for our glowing feet." So off they went, not realising that they were being followed by a BIG, black, hairy, scary sandwich. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" said Billy. "I'll save you!" said the V-B, as she approached the sandwich, then miraculously by her side, Alice appeared, handing the V-B the Spork of Absolute Doom (aka the SOAD!!!) so she could defeat the BIG black hairy scary sandwich. Spork in hand she jumped on top of it, ready to stab it, when Billy suddenly giggled. "DUDE?! DID YOU JUST GIGGLE?!" The V-D screamed, and Billy nodded, pointing at the Liberty-spikes growing from the sandwich. "OMG...IT'S BENJI" squeaked the V-B, and jumped down, still holding the SOAD and decided that she would poke Benji with the SOAD anyway. At this moment something happened... an army of sporks, led by the One Spork to rule them all arrived. The sporks all stopped and the SOAD joined them. They marched up a steep hill and stopped when they reached the top. "I THINK WE SHOULD ATTACK THE WORLD" said the Spork which was leading the army... "ATTACK..." said the SOAD and so they did. The awesome yellow Spork ran forward and started stabbing the nearest hill. "OUCH!!!" said the hill crossly and lumbered off across the field. *How weird!* Thought the V-B *A walking hill. What next?* Well I'll tell you what next. A giant carrot stick grew out of the ground and began eating cheeze puffs. Everyone looked at it in amazement!!!! Then the Spork leaders fainted and everyone decided to go and have a pizza and Pizza hut. Meanwhile, on the evil planet of Vengeance, the sporks were breeding. Soon they managed to crossbreed themselves with the monsters so that their feet glowed too. The sporks with glowing feet got together an army of their strongest warrior sporks. The cleverest sporks were made leaders. They discussed their battle strategy and decided to re-enact it using Lego bricks so that everyone could understand. Then the lord of the sporks stood up and announced, "In two weeks time we shall fly to earth and the earthlings shall cower before us and our amazing glowing feet. We shall have victory. Cake and parties all night long for the rest of our lives!!!!" *huge roar of applause* "...but we must be careful, for on earth, deep beneath the surface lives a beast who could defeat us. A beast so powerful, he could crush a city with his little finger. A beast so fearsome that few will speak its name. It's called Zacky. He is one of the 5 members of the mysterious band A7x, who are also planning on world domination. We must stop THEM before we can take over ourselves."
"Let's go!" Shouted the Spork armies "We must stop this evil one!"
Meanwhile, deep beneath the earth's surface, the one known as Zacky was briefing the rest of the band. "World domination is ours. But be warned. The sporks plan to take over, but to do that they must get rid of us. Are we going to allow it?"
"Uh... I dunno, are we" said Jimmy
"No, of course we aren't you idiot" replied Zacky, "In fact We're going to unite with them, fight together, and then kill them all when we've taken over the world!" Jimmy looked confused. "But what about that Vampire-Beth person that rules the world?" Zacky grinned. "I have a secret weapon for her but lets not go into that now... We fly to the planet Vengeance tonight! So get yourselves ready... we need to hide our intentions to kill the sporks once we have finished invading earth. Any questions?"
"I have one," said Jimmy. "Can we eat yet? I'm starving!"
"No. You must wait until after we have negotiated with the sporks" said Zacky.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I mean Spork planet, the sporks were plotting A7x's demise
"I know what we should do" said the leader Spork "We should pretend to be friends with A7x, get them to help us take over the world, and then when we've taken over, we will destroy them!"
"Hey, that's a good idea," said a random pink Spork Suddenly an alert sounded. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGA!!!" went the alarms.
"Incoming ship" called the Spork guard. "And they're sending a message!"
A television screen magically appeared behind the Spork leader and crackled to life.
"Hail, oh Mighty Sporklets. This is Shadows. Surrender your ship and be prepared to be boarded. Don't even think about refusing...we have indestructible ZZ-biscuits!"
"But we're not on a ship" said the Lord of the Sporks, confused "we're on our home planet!"
"I know," replied Zacky "but it sounds more impressive! And we DO have indestructible ZZ-biscuits!"
"NO NOT THE INDESTRUCTIBLE ZZ-BISCUITS!!!"
"Wait, they're not completely indestrucible though!" said Jimmy, being his usual dumb self. But Zacky just slapped his head. "Shut up." he hissed.
"Oh mighty members of A7x" the Lord of the Sporks started
"Silence spork" Zacky cut in venomously "we have a suggestion for you. We know you want to take over the world as do we, so we have decided to team up with you. If you do not agree we will destroy you. What do you think?"
"Well ...ummm...OK. We were gonna say the same thing so I guess it's agreed."
"But...I thought..." Jimmy said, confused.
"SHUT UP!" shouted the rest of A7x. The sporks looked confused, and the Lord of Sporks opened his mouth to ask something, but shut it again quickly when he saw Shadows glaring at him. So the sporks and A7x flew to earth in A7x's spaceship.
"Are we there yet?" whined Jimmy for the 20th time.
"NO WE ARE NOT" yelled Shadows and Zacky in unison.
"So... how are we going to distract the Vampire-Beth?" Asked the Lord of the Sporks "God put her in charge of the world. GOD! It's hopeless... we'll never get rid of her... we might as well give up now"
"You wusses" barked Shadows, "we know all about the vampire Beth and we have a secret weapon ...this guy!"
With that, Zacky dragged a tall, red-haired teen out of a cage that no-one had noticed. He looked slightly pissed off when Zacky poked him.
"Tell them who you are" he demanded. The guy looked back at Zacky and looked annoyed.
"The name's Ross. I'm Beth's boyfriend." The sporks laughed happily.
"Yay! We have a way to defeat her!!!"
"Uhhhh...no you don't actually. I won't do anything to hurt her or make her do anything." Ross said, getting more and more annoyed by the second.
"Yes you will...you're her Prince charming, you'll do anything to save her..." smirked Zacky
"Save her from what?" Ross replied... suddenly concerned
"Well... if you're not going to help us I guess I won't be able to tell you will I?" Zacky responded
"I'll help you IF and only if I think it's worthwhile... now what will she need saving from?" Ross retorted cooly
"Well we were going to give her fruit and make her drink alcohol!" Zacky grinned evilly.
"NO!" shouted Ross. "You can't do that, that's just...inhumane! What are you thinking? How about you just get me to ask her if she'll let you rule the planet? I'm sure she won't mind...as long as she can do pretty much what she wants..."
"Oh." said Shadows and Zacky together. "We hadn't thought of that."
"AHEM" shouted the Lord of the Sporks making Ross jump... he had forgotten that the Sporks were there "What a good idea... except one thing... it won't really be taking over if she LETS us... I want to actually take over the planet... its more fun that way!"
"Well WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP"
he scuttled away.
"Well that was very strange" said Zacky, bemused. "The heat must be getting to the Lord of the Sporks! But on with our fiendish plan... Ross... you know what you have to do"
"Yes I think I do" Ross said
"Well we are just arriving at Earth, so you go down ahead and tell the V-B and see if she will agree to let us take over... If not then you must distract her so that we can take over anyway"
"I'll do what I can"
Meanwhile on Earth the V-B was eating her dinner... a Chinese meal from the local takeaway! As she sat eating her food she spotted something on the table. It was an arrow with a message attached to it.
"How on earth did that get there?" she asked no one in particular "it DEFINITELY wasn't there when I sat down, but there's not a hole in the window or anything! And it's going to leave a DREADFUL mark in my table!"
The V-B took the note from the arrow and read it. This is what it said:
"...In the broken hearts parade, we're putting our hearts out on display. There's no masquerade, just a funeral march for love today. The band strikes up and they're playing our song, dressed in black and we're singing along to the broken hearts parade, it's never been better than we are today."
The message then stopped singing and there was a brief silence, which was shattered by the V-B's response...
"......... the F***?"
This day was just getting stranger. First an arrow with a message materialises on her table. Then the message SINGS to her. But the strangest thing was that she recognised the words, although for some reason her mind her gone blank and she couldn't place them.
Just as she was contemplating why she knew the words and what they could possibly mean there was a loud knock at the door. All thoughts of her chinese meal forgotten, the V-B got up and went to the door. As she opened the door she gasped, because at the door was ROSS!
"Ummm...hey? Long time no see...and I MEAN a long time. 10 years-ish? Wow...how are you?" The V-B jumped on him and hugged him tight, very happy to see him.
"Hi V-B........ ummmmmmmmm.... well............" said Ross, unsure of how to tell her of the take over of A7x and the sporks
"Spit it out child" the V-B retorted
"Well..... you see... well... thesporksandA7Xhavecollaboratedtotakeovertheworldandtheywantedmetoaskyouifyou'dmind."
Ross took a deep breath...
"The sporks and A7x have collaborated to take over the world and they wanted me to ask you if you'd mind..." he mumbled.
"Of course I don't mind. It gives me a break. GOD!!!"
Suddenly a deep voice rang out...
"You called me V-B? I thought I'd left you in charge, and now you're calling me. I was trying to sleep! So what do you want? What's so important that you woke God up?"
"Well actually.................er er er er er its a ....its ...its........" and with that she panicked. Ross stepped forward.
"Actually sir, she wasn't calling you. She was talking to me. Go back to sleep! You obviously need it"
The V-B looked at Ross in astonishment. Why had he told God that? She had intended to come up with a good reason. She was bound to be in trouble now. God looked from Ross to Beth and back to Ross again.
"Well" he said ".................
TO BE CONTINUED!
"Be Random... it's the only way to be" the newsreader read, "That's the 'saying' that's sweeping round the world this week, and why has this saying suddenly become so very popular? It's all down to the creator of the 'Be Random... Its the ONLY way to be' website and message boards Alice P. We shall go live and talk to her now. Alice, what inspired you to create the website?" he asked.
"Well," said Alice, "I decided to create a website in which people could have their input, so thus started the website and 'Random Club' I then thought 'Hey, why don't I start a forum to give them more input'!"
"OK, and has your bunny yet gained world domination?"
"'No, not yet but watch this space'"
"Thank you Alice for coming to talk to us... In other news cheese yesterday was found to contain a secret ingredient, this secret ingredient is reported to be so secret that it cannot be revealed on television. Now over to the weather forecast."
"Today's weather in your area. In Scotland it is very snowy and cold. In England it will be cloudy, clearing around mid-day, in Wales there will be sunshine with sharp showers and in Northern Ireland it will be raining dung make sure you stay indoors unless you absolutely must go out. You may need umbrellas, the roads will be slippery and it will smell for a few weeks. That's it for the weather, but it appears that the studio has been taken over by Evil Leprechauns ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" shouted the weatherman, running off screen. Bob turned of the telly and said to no one in particular "I don't know what is wrong with this cheese but it is making me sneeze. Just at that moment the TV blew up all on its own Bob jumped in shock and fell off his sofa into a rose bush. "What clown left a rose bush here?" Bob moaned.
"I did" a small, squeaky, but evil voice replied...
"We want you all to fear us, we want you to look at us and say 'Aaaaaaaaaaah... No... not the evil leprechauns!' We want you to cower beneath our might!!!" said the leprechaun.
"Do you want pancakes with that?" asked Bob
"Well, now you come to mention it NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... I do not want pancakes... Now go and get me a box of chocolates... NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!"
"No, I won't" Bob replied "I would rather put this pair of very fetching granny's knickers on my head for the rest of the day. I will make you wear pancakes instead of clothes...you will obey me...Bob is your master!" he said. The leprechauns were so angry that they exploded. This triggered a chain reaction of all leprechauns in England exploding.
"Well that's the end of that," said Bob, but little did he know that his problems had only just begun as before they exploded the leprechauns had all laid eggs, which all hatched at the same time and grew into enormous washing machines which grew to enormous proportions, so big that entire cities were covered by just one. A global plea for help was dispatched into space so that some (hopefully) friendly Beth-aliens from the planet GCSPGDMESOADS would come and help. Little did the earth know that in fact the Beth-aliens were planning to take over the world, and had had their pets living on earth for years, reporting back on the earth's weaknesses. These pets, which we know as snails, told the Beth-aliens that now would be the perfect time to take over but they would first have to destroy the washing machine monsters, this was not a problem it would just take a long time and their attack on earth would not be a total surprise. The Beth-aliens decided that the best way to make the take-over of earth secret was to pretend to be friends with the humans and destroy the washing machines... Unfortunately no one noticed that, while panic swept the world, the alien's secret weapon had just woken up...THE VAMPIRE-BETH! As she woke up she remembered the aliens, and had a tingling sensation as she realised what she had to do. But first, it was breakfast time. She poured her cornflakes into a bowl...all was fine till she added the milk...then all of a sudden the corn flakes began to grow...they all joined together and became a huge monster which gobbled up the vampire beth...could this be the end of vampire beth? While this was happening the washing machine monsters were multiplying and growing...
Suddenly a strange, deep voice shouted "STOP THIS STUPIDNESS!" The world went silent. The strange voice then said, "Go back to your own planets. I am taking the washing machine monster and cornflake monsters with me! I'm God you know!" Then he rescued the Vampire-Beth and put her in charge of the world. The vampire beth didn't quite know what to say...She said thanks, but was it enough? Then the voice said...
"I have put you in charge of the world but only on one condition, you must found a website where everyone can hear this story. Or get someone else to. I'm going now. It's time for me to sleep. Even God gets tired you know" So the Vampire Beth put on her pink and yellow spotty socks and wondered round for a bit...kinda lost in what she could do.
Then she found a bed, it looked so lovely with its soft silk sheets and lovely cuddly toys, she thought for just a moment and realised just how tired she was... Well she had had a long day hadn't she and everyone needs their sleep and hey...everyone else was sleeping so why shouldn't she? As she went to get into the bed a note caught her eye...she picked it up and read it...
"Do not sleep in this bed, if you do you shall wake up and it will all be a dream!"
"Yeah right!" vampire beth thought "like that could happen!" so she climbed into the bed and lay down... Suddenly there was a loud bang, a scream and then silence. The vampire Beth was very afraid because it reminded her of a play that she had been to see. This play was called 'Woman in Black' and the Vampire-Beth was unsure about what to do next... She quickly shut her eyes- maybe if she couldn't see, nothing would happen? But it was so quiet... she had to find out what had happened and where she was... she climbed out of the lovely soft (etc) bed and opened her eyes very slowly and was shocked at what she saw... She was in a very girly, bright pink room with 'my little ponies', 'Barbie dolls' and loads of bright pink clothes all over the place as she looked round the room she saw posters of Westlife, Blue and Boyzone on the wall....
She ran to the door and as she opened it she noticed the door sign read 'Beth's Room' She ran back into the room, threw herself onto the bed and screamed.
Suddenly there were footsteps outside her door and in walked the Vampire Beth's sister, the Vampire Sarah! She walked in to the room and joined in with the screaming. Suddenly the voice that the Vampire Beth had previously heard spoke and said, "What is wrong with you people? Can't God get a decent sleep without you lot scweaming you stupid heads off... do not displease me or there will be trouble!"
The Vampire Beth felt slightly scared and replied in her deepest voice...
"NO I WILL NOT STOP SCREAMING...TRY AND MAKE ME"
"ALRIGHT THEN" replied the deep voice "I WILL" and with that the room began to shake and then all the pink was gone! "Thank goodness for that!" said Vampire-Beth, flopping back onto her black silk sheets, and staring at her newly replaced Good Charlotte posters. "I'd have gone insane with that lot!" Suddenly she heard a loud crunching noise, and looked out the window and she saw something she had thought she would never see again. Or rather someone. They were tall, skinny and all in black. It was a washing machine monster that had strangely been turned into a man by... well who knows! The man looked strangely familiar which kinda scared the Vampire-Beth...though she didn't know why... While she was wondering what her next move should be, the washing machine man suddenly grew big black wings and began to float upwards...
Suddenly he grabbed the vampire beth and flew away with her. She screamed and then went silent as she saw her friend the Vampire-Diane coming to save her. The Vampire-Beth was very happy. The Vampire-Diane came over and asked her a very obvious question.
"Why the **** are you screaming...it's Billy you dork!" The V-B looked at the man again and saw that it was actually Billy, and smiled sweetly at him.
"Hello Mr. Martin...I hope I'm not too heavy...?" He told her that she wasn't and that she was very pretty and that he loved her and that they would get married, and the V-B smiled a lot and then remembered the washing-machine monsters who were planning her demise. Suddenly they all appeared together, but Billy started singing, which hypnotised them, and the V-B and the V-D killed them all...
Meanwhile the washing-machine-monster's babies realised what had happened to their mums and dads and began making their way towards the V-B but fortunately for the V-B, the V-D knew that baby washing-machine-monsters do not know their weaknesses, so do not know that they will die if they eat chicken nuggets. The V-D went into a McDonald's, which happened to be next to her, and bought some chicken nuggets. The washing machine monsters ate them and died. Washing machine monsters were never seen again, however the V-B was strangely suspicious about the 3 left over chicken nuggets... something about them didn't quite seem right... and was it normal for them to be glowing like that? Then suddenly the chicken nuggets blinked. Then one said,
"Hello, my name is Bob, and I think that we should go shopping to buy some shoes for our glowing feet." So off they went, not realising that they were being followed by a BIG, black, hairy, scary sandwich. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" said Billy. "I'll save you!" said the V-B, as she approached the sandwich, then miraculously by her side, Alice appeared, handing the V-B the Spork of Absolute Doom (aka the SOAD!!!) so she could defeat the BIG black hairy scary sandwich. Spork in hand she jumped on top of it, ready to stab it, when Billy suddenly giggled. "DUDE?! DID YOU JUST GIGGLE?!" The V-D screamed, and Billy nodded, pointing at the Liberty-spikes growing from the sandwich. "OMG...IT'S BENJI" squeaked the V-B, and jumped down, still holding the SOAD and decided that she would poke Benji with the SOAD anyway. At this moment something happened... an army of sporks, led by the One Spork to rule them all arrived. The sporks all stopped and the SOAD joined them. They marched up a steep hill and stopped when they reached the top. "I THINK WE SHOULD ATTACK THE WORLD" said the Spork which was leading the army... "ATTACK..." said the SOAD and so they did. The awesome yellow Spork ran forward and started stabbing the nearest hill. "OUCH!!!" said the hill crossly and lumbered off across the field. *How weird!* Thought the V-B *A walking hill. What next?* Well I'll tell you what next. A giant carrot stick grew out of the ground and began eating cheeze puffs. Everyone looked at it in amazement!!!! Then the Spork leaders fainted and everyone decided to go and have a pizza and Pizza hut. Meanwhile, on the evil planet of Vengeance, the sporks were breeding. Soon they managed to crossbreed themselves with the monsters so that their feet glowed too. The sporks with glowing feet got together an army of their strongest warrior sporks. The cleverest sporks were made leaders. They discussed their battle strategy and decided to re-enact it using Lego bricks so that everyone could understand. Then the lord of the sporks stood up and announced, "In two weeks time we shall fly to earth and the earthlings shall cower before us and our amazing glowing feet. We shall have victory. Cake and parties all night long for the rest of our lives!!!!" *huge roar of applause* "...but we must be careful, for on earth, deep beneath the surface lives a beast who could defeat us. A beast so powerful, he could crush a city with his little finger. A beast so fearsome that few will speak its name. It's called Zacky. He is one of the 5 members of the mysterious band A7x, who are also planning on world domination. We must stop THEM before we can take over ourselves."
"Let's go!" Shouted the Spork armies "We must stop this evil one!"
Meanwhile, deep beneath the earth's surface, the one known as Zacky was briefing the rest of the band. "World domination is ours. But be warned. The sporks plan to take over, but to do that they must get rid of us. Are we going to allow it?"
"Uh... I dunno, are we" said Jimmy
"No, of course we aren't you idiot" replied Zacky, "In fact We're going to unite with them, fight together, and then kill them all when we've taken over the world!" Jimmy looked confused. "But what about that Vampire-Beth person that rules the world?" Zacky grinned. "I have a secret weapon for her but lets not go into that now... We fly to the planet Vengeance tonight! So get yourselves ready... we need to hide our intentions to kill the sporks once we have finished invading earth. Any questions?"
"I have one," said Jimmy. "Can we eat yet? I'm starving!"
"No. You must wait until after we have negotiated with the sporks" said Zacky.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I mean Spork planet, the sporks were plotting A7x's demise
"I know what we should do" said the leader Spork "We should pretend to be friends with A7x, get them to help us take over the world, and then when we've taken over, we will destroy them!"
"Hey, that's a good idea," said a random pink Spork Suddenly an alert sounded. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGA!!!" went the alarms.
"Incoming ship" called the Spork guard. "And they're sending a message!"
A television screen magically appeared behind the Spork leader and crackled to life.
"Hail, oh Mighty Sporklets. This is Shadows. Surrender your ship and be prepared to be boarded. Don't even think about refusing...we have indestructible ZZ-biscuits!"
"But we're not on a ship" said the Lord of the Sporks, confused "we're on our home planet!"
"I know," replied Zacky "but it sounds more impressive! And we DO have indestructible ZZ-biscuits!"
"NO NOT THE INDESTRUCTIBLE ZZ-BISCUITS!!!"
"Wait, they're not completely indestrucible though!" said Jimmy, being his usual dumb self. But Zacky just slapped his head. "Shut up." he hissed.
"Oh mighty members of A7x" the Lord of the Sporks started
"Silence spork" Zacky cut in venomously "we have a suggestion for you. We know you want to take over the world as do we, so we have decided to team up with you. If you do not agree we will destroy you. What do you think?"
"Well ...ummm...OK. We were gonna say the same thing so I guess it's agreed."
"But...I thought..." Jimmy said, confused.
"SHUT UP!" shouted the rest of A7x. The sporks looked confused, and the Lord of Sporks opened his mouth to ask something, but shut it again quickly when he saw Shadows glaring at him. So the sporks and A7x flew to earth in A7x's spaceship.
"Are we there yet?" whined Jimmy for the 20th time.
"NO WE ARE NOT" yelled Shadows and Zacky in unison.
"So... how are we going to distract the Vampire-Beth?" Asked the Lord of the Sporks "God put her in charge of the world. GOD! It's hopeless... we'll never get rid of her... we might as well give up now"
"You wusses" barked Shadows, "we know all about the vampire Beth and we have a secret weapon ...this guy!"
With that, Zacky dragged a tall, red-haired teen out of a cage that no-one had noticed. He looked slightly pissed off when Zacky poked him.
"Tell them who you are" he demanded. The guy looked back at Zacky and looked annoyed.
"The name's Ross. I'm Beth's boyfriend." The sporks laughed happily.
"Yay! We have a way to defeat her!!!"
"Uhhhh...no you don't actually. I won't do anything to hurt her or make her do anything." Ross said, getting more and more annoyed by the second.
"Yes you will...you're her Prince charming, you'll do anything to save her..." smirked Zacky
"Save her from what?" Ross replied... suddenly concerned
"Well... if you're not going to help us I guess I won't be able to tell you will I?" Zacky responded
"I'll help you IF and only if I think it's worthwhile... now what will she need saving from?" Ross retorted cooly
"Well we were going to give her fruit and make her drink alcohol!" Zacky grinned evilly.
"NO!" shouted Ross. "You can't do that, that's just...inhumane! What are you thinking? How about you just get me to ask her if she'll let you rule the planet? I'm sure she won't mind...as long as she can do pretty much what she wants..."
"Oh." said Shadows and Zacky together. "We hadn't thought of that."
"AHEM" shouted the Lord of the Sporks making Ross jump... he had forgotten that the Sporks were there "What a good idea... except one thing... it won't really be taking over if she LETS us... I want to actually take over the planet... its more fun that way!"
"Well WOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOPWOOP"
he scuttled away.
"Well that was very strange" said Zacky, bemused. "The heat must be getting to the Lord of the Sporks! But on with our fiendish plan... Ross... you know what you have to do"
"Yes I think I do" Ross said
"Well we are just arriving at Earth, so you go down ahead and tell the V-B and see if she will agree to let us take over... If not then you must distract her so that we can take over anyway"
"I'll do what I can"
Meanwhile on Earth the V-B was eating her dinner... a Chinese meal from the local takeaway! As she sat eating her food she spotted something on the table. It was an arrow with a message attached to it.
"How on earth did that get there?" she asked no one in particular "it DEFINITELY wasn't there when I sat down, but there's not a hole in the window or anything! And it's going to leave a DREADFUL mark in my table!"
The V-B took the note from the arrow and read it. This is what it said:
"...In the broken hearts parade, we're putting our hearts out on display. There's no masquerade, just a funeral march for love today. The band strikes up and they're playing our song, dressed in black and we're singing along to the broken hearts parade, it's never been better than we are today."
The message then stopped singing and there was a brief silence, which was shattered by the V-B's response...
"......... the F***?"
This day was just getting stranger. First an arrow with a message materialises on her table. Then the message SINGS to her. But the strangest thing was that she recognised the words, although for some reason her mind her gone blank and she couldn't place them.
Just as she was contemplating why she knew the words and what they could possibly mean there was a loud knock at the door. All thoughts of her chinese meal forgotten, the V-B got up and went to the door. As she opened the door she gasped, because at the door was ROSS!
"Ummm...hey? Long time no see...and I MEAN a long time. 10 years-ish? Wow...how are you?" The V-B jumped on him and hugged him tight, very happy to see him.
"Hi V-B........ ummmmmmmmm.... well............" said Ross, unsure of how to tell her of the take over of A7x and the sporks
"Spit it out child" the V-B retorted
"Well..... you see... well... thesporksandA7Xhavecollaboratedtotakeovertheworldandtheywantedmetoaskyouifyou'dmind."
Ross took a deep breath...
"The sporks and A7x have collaborated to take over the world and they wanted me to ask you if you'd mind..." he mumbled.
"Of course I don't mind. It gives me a break. GOD!!!"
Suddenly a deep voice rang out...
"You called me V-B? I thought I'd left you in charge, and now you're calling me. I was trying to sleep! So what do you want? What's so important that you woke God up?"
"Well actually.................er er er er er its a ....its ...its........" and with that she panicked. Ross stepped forward.
"Actually sir, she wasn't calling you. She was talking to me. Go back to sleep! You obviously need it"
The V-B looked at Ross in astonishment. Why had he told God that? She had intended to come up with a good reason. She was bound to be in trouble now. God looked from Ross to Beth and back to Ross again.
"Well" he said ".................
TO BE CONTINUED!
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